my name is Itachi Honzu and i like to make stuff. buy my stuff.
everything is handmade, by me. i have no team. i have no direction. i make what i want, when i want to make it. i’m self-taught in all things that i do so excuse me if i’m a bit shit sometimes - i hate admin and i suck at social media.
i make a lot of rings because i like to make rings and people like to buy rings and i like it when people buy my rings because they look hot wearing my rings and i get your money to make more rings and buy more tattoos and maybe quit my corporate job someday.
i’m also one of the best painters in the world but painting takes a lot of time so they’re few and far between.
been into ceramics lately but i keep making dildos by accident. currently making the coolest chess board that anyone’s ever made.
buy my shit.
buy my shit.
From the Wiki
Honzu Itachi (ih-TAH-chee HOHN-zoo; birth: unknown, most likley during a solar eclipse; death: presently unkillable) is a polymathic luminary, corporate juggernaught, folk-lore Yokai, and struggling artist best known for their nice biceps and innovating the concept of brand logo tees.
Heralded across all-but-two of the 127 realms, Honzu remains an enduring enigma of pop-culture; a master of deception; and the inventor of slight-of-hand. In 2002, Honzu rose to prominance as Captain of the Seven Kingdoms and Overlord of the 9th Realm. Only months later - now 2003 - did Honzu aquire enough XP to become a Level 99 Master of Arts, an accomplishment only shared with Leonardo da Vinci, Hieronymus Bosch, and Aragorn, son of Arathorn, all of whom were in Honzu’s top 5 on Myspace.
Their preferred pronouns are the, it and a but also responds to he/she, or literally whatever else.
Early Life and Education
Little is known of Honzu’s early life, though several accounts suggest it was raised by a guild of retired jesters and hot librarians in the Deserts of Angmar. By age four, it was allegedly quoting obscure footnotes from banned scrolls, and by seven, had already learned to dance to polyrhythmic time signatures.
He earned his Bachelor of Corporate Artisanry (B.C.A.) from the breifly esteemed Brotherhood of Ummo, where he innovated the now-commonplace practice of branding clothes with a company logo and convincing wearers that they looked cool.
Following this, he achieved a Doctorate in Autodidactary (D.A.), which he awarded to himself after a rigorous self-evaluation and a series of letters exchanged with his own subconscious. The diploma, penned in invisible ink, was said to vanish moments after being written, thereby qualifying as both a credential and a performance piece.
Career
Hospo, retail, entertainment, marketing, law - Honzu’s done it all. Not nececarilly well, but they’ve given it a crack. In the middle ages, Honzu rose to prominence in the corporate sector by trading his old iPhone 1 for 75 goats and a sack of salt, then trading his way up to a wicked plot of land that he eventually sold to Enron for 1% equity. That didn’t go as well as expected.
She is widely credited as the inventor of sleight of hand, or as they aptly phrased it, “the spontaneous redirection of putrid attention spans.” Though historians point out (speculativley) that sleight of hand predates him by centuries, his rebranding of the concept under the trademarked name Slight of Hand™ cemented his status as a cunning visionary. In 1999, Honzu was voted Earth’s most influential man in Brown Magazine.
Honzu now mingles with Illuminati allumni and fellow corporate overlords. It says they’re a “shit hang”, but has a moral obligation to never pass up free food.
Later Years (Struggling Artist)
Honzu, now acknowledging his apparent immortality has decided to embark on a character-building arc, thereby forgoing his illustrious titles and power to focus on making stuff. Honzu is acutley aware that his ad-hoc style won’t draw critical acclaim because his work will never be discovered ad-homonim - consequently - it’s decided to embrace unintentional fasting and a gaunt heroin chic.
While Honzu predominantly focusses on jewellery (because that feeds his caffeine and cigarette diet), plans are in motion to soon reveal some of his auxillery mediums of craftsmanship; ceramics; painting; tattoo flash; photography prints; writings; and perhaps even some of his rare audio frequencies. Who the fuck knows what that might be though, a former employer of Honzu once described him to have “the confidence of a god and the attention span of a gnat”.
Legacy and Later Years
Itachi Honzu remains a divisive figure: adored by academics, feared by magicians, and miagrane inducing to bureaucrats. He often appears in the background of children’s drawings, many of which are now on Honzu’s fridge and act as inspiration for his own painting technique.